Broken

#dd if=/dev/brain of=blogg

It's now going on almost three years since my anxiety disorder first entered my life uninvited and about six months since I last slept properly, not feeling like I'd only had a few hours sleep.

Now marriage is on the horizon and life is getting twenty times busier, what with what feels like a one and only chance to recertify and upskill.

Finances are causing untold stress as well, which puts more pressure on me for the above reasons and future plans (read: family).

Sadly, I can only see realism and logic, 1's and 0's, if then else. This can and regularly does get perceived as negative, not very helpful to my cause.

My way of thinking probably isn't normal, but what is? More importantly, why should I change that if that is who I am?

I'm now at a point where my relationship with the fiancée is stretched to the point of breaking, like a rubber band that keeps stretching, but amazingly hasn't broken. Yet.

I can see part of my father in the way I do certain things, which scares the heck out of me, because I do not want to be like him. I want to be me, and I most certainly don't want to be encumbered by the same physical and/or psychological issues he portpotedly has.

I am so tired, both literally and figuratively and I am finding it very difficult to continue on this 'do until' or 'do while' life.

I'm also very disappointed in myself, for not getting the career on track earlier in my life.

I'm also frustrated that all my hard work isn't recognised at all, that I forget so many simple things, nor can I focus at my job or my studies, adding more stress in getting ahead.

I am not seeking sympathy, but I am trying to find positivity at work and in my life, which just aren't anywhere to be seen.

Resurrection of the Blog(s)

After a short discussion with a PLUG (Perth Linux Users Group) member, I have come to realise that syndication of my posts is probably better off on one or more of my Blogs (see sidebar or my profile for more information) and link them in Google+

The realisation came because I should not keep a walled-garden mentality and be more agnostic and probably more accessible to those who do not use the service while providing an easy method for those who do, to follow the link within the platform to read the article if they choose.

I will also be posting more personal matters here in order to help me collect my thoughts and work through my issues such as my anxiety disorder and the inherent depression that comes from it.

Again, you may choose to read it, or you may choose to ignore it.

life update

Yes, I have neglected the blog for quite some time now, but only because Google+ had distracted me for the most part.

I have managed to loose approximately 5Kg of weight through eating (or should I say drinking) meal replacements, eating smaller portions, significantly reducing carbohydrates and exercising a bit more.

My stress levels are still high since I successfully completed my Cisco Certified Network Associate (CCNA) on October, but thanks to my doctor and a renewed approach to work (ie. less caring) I'm able to cope a little bit better.

One of the biggest issues I am faced with right now is the frustration that comes with trying to pursue my chosen career.


I foresee a major delays in my current employer providing career progression due mostly to the radical changes to the business and sadly I must look elsewhere.

So, I have my CCNA as well as some practical experience from a previous job (before I got the qualification) as well as many hours of lab time on Cisco equipment and I know my way around IOS very well but most of the Network Engineer/Administrator roles I am applying for I am barely getting to interview stage.

I am wondering if part of the problem is that recruiters and employers don't seem to comprehend what is actually required to get a CCNA (there is a lot of lab time and one must fully understand the content to successfully pass) and they are mostly under the impression that the curriculum is purely theory-based, which is entirely untrue.

I have begun reaching out to my collective friends, colleagues, acquaintances and recruiters in the hopes that I can secure a new role that actually exploits my strong Cisco skills.

Lucky for me I can be quite stubborn, and I don't give up so easily.

There has been more social interaction with Google+ friends, and a little less with my old group of friends, but this is in part due to their obsession with Warhammer (tabletop) and the games that they all play are not the genre that I am interested in, which has my slightly concerned.

I'm also not sure what game in my libraries I want to play next as I often find that I am too tired to engross myself in some of them and as such find myself tending to avoid them.

This year is anything but interesting with all of the above and more, but hopefully I will be able to get back to enjoying myself like I used too.

- D

whale watching (2010)

$GF and I went whaling whale watching on Thursday.

We caught the train to Fremantle and boarded the oceanic cruise vessel and to see a few pods of them gracefully doing their whale thing.

Unfortunately none of them breached, but they did surface right near the boat (Starboard bow) just before the vessel started up for the return journey to Fremantle.

We then decide to go eat at Cicerellos after getting hopelessly lost thanks to stupid directions by the iPhone/Google map application.

And not only but also, we squeezed in a movie session and saw Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole 3D

We then returned home very hot and sore from too much sun due to lack of sunscreen (we both forgot to bring it to whale watching) :-P


Current Mood: Content

temporary modifications to circadian rhythm

I seem to have come up with a decent schedule for transitioning from two 12-hour days to two 12-hour nights within a 24-hour break.

Two separate sleeps (approximately 5 hours each) within allocated 24 hour break.

I tend to go to bed immediately after I finish my 0600-1800 stint and sleep for 5 hours and then get another 5 hours sleep during the day before beginning the reverse shift (1800-0600). Although it seems to work and seems to decreas stress on the body, I am still unsure if this is very efficient.

I haven't found any particularly useful sources of information to aid in 'transitioning' but I would welcome any comments anyone has on this subject.

normality restored

Heya readers (the few that your are :-P)

We have normality. I repeat. We have normality.

As the blog title suggests, we ($GF and I) have a little more normality in our lives :-)

Roof tragedy. Resolved.
Car repairs. Fixed.
Monetary concerns. Decreased.
$GF replacement mobile phone. Pending

So now that the above has been somewhat taken care of, I now have time to Study, play games and relax with less worries.

I have also begun preparation for my Senior First Aid refresher course and resumed my never-ending Cisco CCNA studies in the hope that I can get it done (or at least ICND1) by this year.

$GF and I haven't had much of a change to go out, but we did recently visit the Perth Zoo to see the baby Giraffe and it's already bigger than $GF!

We also so the freaky artwork by Australian artist Patricia Piccinini at The Art Gallery of Western Australia
It looks so real (or should I say surreal?)!

Anyhow apart from the above, I also forgot to write up about our hot time at the Araluen chilli festival in Fremantle a while back where I tried death sauce (I think that's what it was called?). Tastings for it where only available upon request because it it so F#$%ing HOT! Not only did it make all my body and limbs tingle, but it also made me heat up and sweat profusely! It was awesome! :-P

That's it for now. I think. No wait! more of my friends are getting married!

Which means I now have to pick up pace a little... I need to do more engagement ring research, then organise a meeting with parents to ask permission to marry $GF and then propose...

/sigh

Current Mood: Happy

bday and stuffs

Since loosing my job I've had a lot of time to get personal stuff done like; application for newstart (centrestink), consolidation of my super, full medical check-up, Car service, Study and misc tech projects.

My birthday has also been and gone and I was pleasantly surprised by an array of small gifts from my girlfriend and a wine tasting tour on the day of my birthday!

We went to Waters Edge via Captain Cook cruises. While there we bought some very nice Tawny Port.

From there we went to Charlies Estate Wines and tasted some more wine (and nougat) and bought two cleanskins of a very nice experimental wine that was made with raspberries and a Chenin Blanc.

Next up we went to an Unknown winery (seems to be near the end of Gnangara Road), where we had a lovely platter lunch made up of Dukkah, Cooked Salami, fresh black olives, Smoked Salmon, Cheese and Picked Beetroot with cloves etc. Before we left we were able to sample the $68 Muscatt Muscadelle (very nice)!

We then went to Lancaster Wines for a cheese platter which consisted of Edam (made backwards :P), and an assortment of cheddars; garlic and chilli/chives feta and others, which was a shame because everyone was full from lunch! From the wine tasting we had here, we picked out (and bought) three lovely desert wines: Late Picked Chenin Blanc, 2006 Sticky Shiraz and Reserve Liquer Muscatt.

After that we went to the very crowded Margaret River Chocolate Factory where we tasted some of their chocolate including a cherry and mint chocolate truffle *yum*

Finally we finished up at the Ironbark Brewery where we tried a rice beer and a Cherry Ale (I think), which we both found were quite average (compared to range available at the international beer shop!).

Once I got home I opened the 12th present that my girlfriend gave me :-D

moar emo

This morning was strange.

I had a small inconvenience (forgeting to take my pre-prepared breakfast) put me into a bit of a foul mood early in the morning. Then later on in the morning a mistake that could have potentially cost me my job then changed my mood to being emo (emails + emotion = bad!).

What's most strange is that I got heaps of sleep last night (or so I though I did). But perhaps it was the lack of caffeine and food mading me grumpy coupled with the fact that my superior had a go at me for making a another petty mistake, made me almost bust out... or something...

On another note, I found an uber cheap (but unhealthy) lunch today!
A red rooster chicken roll, mini wrap and small chips for $6! Bargain!!! (the roll was on special).

Anyways that's enough venting for today :P


Current Mood: Neutral

wtb house

I get a little depressed every time I think about my living arrangement. I am getting pestered by a 60+ year-old man that treats me like a child and forgets just about everything.

I am also concerned about being able to afford my own house because of the current global economic crisis *sigh*

Work is anything but easy-going this week as we are short-staffed and I begin study on my final unit too, which I am going to take a few hours off work each week whether my superiors want me to or not :P

At least I have my gorgeous GF to cheer me up from this horrendously busy week...


Current Mood: Frustrated

car & health

My car is getting looked at (this morning) so that I can get a quote to fix the scratch on my bumper from the small accident I had in the Duncraig village car park durring Christmas. This means that I am going into work late today.

I also have a sore throat for some reason. It could be attributed to the fact that my girlfriend has recently gotten over a cold... I wonder if this is just a coincidence (or did she give it to me and I just got a sore throat from it???)?

I can't stand the thought of not being able to kiss her though, because I haven't seen her all week...

Current Mood: Indescribable

ramblings

I've finally changed my diet so that I am not only eating less, but also eating breakfast (cereal) in the mornings again and eating a light meal in the evening such as salads, with the exception of lunch because I never know where I will be during the day and I am forced to always buy my lunch (which isn't always a healthy choice due to lack of options or time).

I have failed to wash my car again. But I blame this computer repair job for that (see earlier post) :P

I want to buy another work shirt or two, a beach towel and maybe even a rug and/or beanbag for my room, but time will tell if I can get these before the weekend or not...

Also, I want to move out real bad. My step-dad is under the impression that I am depressed because of work (he has interpreted what I've told him as such), but I didn't have the heart to tell him that I'm agitated with him interfering with my affairs (both directly and indirectly) and his attitude towards me living here as he has mentioned a second time that I "must do whatever he asks because I live in his house", which I don't think is fair considering my soon-to-become-even-busier life.

Oh and apparently there is a partial solar eclipse on Australia Day too?!


Current Mood: Irritated

missing

lol @ missleading post! :P

I'm just missing my girl ATM and having trouble NOT thinking about her...

I'm probably not making much sense, but I guess that's my point, because thinking about her is making it hard for me to concentrate on other things *sigh*

At least I am happy... happy and confused :P


Current Mood: Confused

Interesting Times

I think I am now at risk of being emo, what with all the weird emotions and ups and downs I have been having lately...

Oh yeah I passed ALL my UNI units from last semester *yay* and now I have to try and finish my last one next semester...

I really hope I can get finish UNI soon so that I can start concentrating on other more important stuff

I'm also unsure as to whether I am able to do my current job, as windows desktop dupport is really starting to bug me and make my life stressful, which I think is something I should avoid especially considering the fact that I want a UNIX/security career instead...

Things with the female friend are looking better, but aren't absolute (I wish I knew how she felt about me tho).

Anyways, singing off for now...


Current Mood: Cheerful

a date to remember

The cat's out of the bag (no I'm not doing mean things to cats :P).

I went out for a date on sunday night. But I'm starting to think she's not interested (It's still early days and could be wrong... I hope I am). Either that or I fail at courting :(

I was also a bit sad today from a combination of thinking about last night (where I went wrong), my mum's death and being tired.

At least one of my good friends is helping me by being as supportive as possible.


Current Mood: Sad

High on Happiness

Yesterday morning was not so nice, but my workmates unintentionally cheered me up and Today I'm high on happiness and I don't ever want to come down from it...

I almost have a permanent smile on my face and I'm way more cheerfull than I've ever been before.

Maybe it's because of the excitement of going to wedge and/or the work christmas party... or something much much nicer... (I'm bieng intentionaly vague again).

$2 to the person that can work out what it is!*

* only local friends eligible for reward.


Current Mood: Happy



UPDATE 14/12/2008 @ 14:16
Competition is now closed. There where no winners (except for me) :)

Voiceless

This entry is more or less a quick message my friends.

Please do not bother trying to call me on the telephone as I currently cannot speak due to a suspected case of Laryngitis. Please contact me by either:

• MSN
  
• email
  
• SMS
  

According to some medical websites it may take up to several weeks for me to get my voice back :(


UPDATE 28/11/2008 @ 15:24
It's taken about a week(?), but my voice has returned, still croaky and hoarse but I can talk at least.


Current Mood: Surprised.

Down With the Sickness

Apart from the song title (which coincidently was played at the Disturbed concert last Friday), I seem to be a sickness (cold) magnet this winter season. Now 2½ cold infections later (the half being the current one), I seems to have gotten a chest infection, says doctor person...

I am now officially SICK of being sick not just because of the actual sickness, but the sleep deprivation that comes with it.... (I miss my sleep *sniff*).

As I stated earlier about the Disturbed concert... it was good. Short. But good. (lack of seating in a concert makes a short one good IMO :S). So, thanks to an unnamed friend, I have picture of 10,000 Fists in all it's glory ^_^

njoy




Current Mood: Tired

epic food

last night I made the most EPIC dinner that I never want to forget how to make, so I shall reveal all to the world this awesome feed :)

I purchased a single rolled chicken thing (I forget what it's called) that had a herbs and rasher of bacon inside and was in a tomato paste-like base.

That same day I had also done some other vegie shopping so I decided to mod the meal (which is what made it so damn awesome).

So a rough pseudo recipe and how it did it (in step-by-step form):

Ingredients:

• 1 pre-prepared rolled chicken breast/thigh thing
  
• 2 Medium-sized carrots
  
• 1 medium-sized potato
  
• 2 tablespoons of tomato paste
  
• 2 tomatoes
  
• 1 small onion
  
• 4 whole pieces of garlic
  
• 1 teaspoon chopped (dried) basil.
  

Method:

1. Peel and chop up potato and carrots and par-boil for approximately 10 minutes.
   
2. While the vegies are boiling, chop up the onion, tomato and peel garlic.
   
3. Prep oven bag and when the boiled vegies are par-boiled mix all ingredients and add into the oven-bag (make sure to follow oven-bag instructions!!!) and place into oven for approximately 35-40 minutes.
   
4. Once cooked, cut open oven bag and enjoy! I sure did ^_^
   

And here is the result, straight from the oven bag (Oven Bags FTW!)!

Cold beta22 released!

The latest cold has been released!
I accidentally received a copy from an unknown individual.
Here is a list of features from mine:

• Comes with an all new sore throat!
  
• frequent mild headaches!
  
• Intermittent, uncontrollable sneezing
  
• Unlimited mucus!
  
• Impossible to remove after 3 days from installation
  

NOTES:
There is no licence and you can automatically get it from any individual that is currently using it. Features may very as it is designed to automatically configure itself with random features.

Give Cold a try this winter!

Family Troubles

One of the family member is mentally ill. Although we (family) have known about it for quite some time, I decided to blog about the issue and the current situation while trying maintaining some anonymity.

The members of my family believe him to be either psychotic or just mentally unstable or something due to post-substance abuse. The reason I bring this up is the fact that I don't know what to do any more...

Previous incidents have cost allot of people money to bail him out (not necessarily out of jail, although I am unaware of any jail time incidents). And his friends and family have pretty much disowned him now, as I will try to explain below.

It has come to the point were he knows how to (smartly) get out of situations like being held in mental institutes (which I must add, he has been in very often), yet he continues to make the same mistakes over and over and recently has begun stealing off of friends and one other family member.

Due the the latest incident where he stole a family friends car (and money) and crashed it (which promoted me to write this post), has brought me to the conclusion that his mental health is deteriorating and that he has become a threat to society. I am also very angry that he did this not only to someone who was trying to help him out, but also to a good friend of mine.

No one trusts him now and (I think) he is at risk of being a homeless person. It seems immoral for us (family) to abandon him to let public services take care of the problem on a temporary reactive basis, but see no other choice...


Current Mood: Troubled.